cant keep me down

in thee words of Brittany Spears "i use to be a pretty cool chick" lol &&im gonna be again.  i have so much going for me. zee(babydaddy) &&i are officially over. even though hes been gone for a long time.  i didnt deserve all the things he did to me. if all i did was love him too much, if that all he has to complain about. then fuuuuck him! im done. i just wish i would have been so dumb for so long.  he kept me down &&was always so mean he abused em in every way he could. he would hurt me just because he knew he could. he told me "youll be nothing without me" "your going to be treated like shit, your lucky your with me.....
Naw homie, your too low to knock me off my high...silly hoe ♥

party all the time when im not with him

make a girl laugh

my BABY DADDY DAY was awful.. sometimes i am so weak! i fall for him every time!  all his lies and promises he doesn't intend to keep.  thank god i had a good friend to keep me company &&make me happy.  the day was ruined.  but tonight was the best. 
when I'm sad i feel like i cant tell people, i feel embarrassed.  this time i felt so bad &&the day had went so bad that i had to have someone to talk to...but of course the one time i call on people they don't answer even though i answer everyone.  i thought my night was going to be full of tears but i was wrong. =]
out of the blue after months one of my really good guy friends called me...we used to talk but it never went anywhere..he asked me what was wrong &&i got word through up lol i told him everything and i couldn't stop. i thought he was going to freak out &&say oh, OK bye. but he didn't he actually drove all the way to my house to hang out with me&&my son &&watch movies. we had a fue drinks &&talked about everything.
I'm glad someone was there for me. i love when something good happens when i least expect it!  i laughed so much. i havent done that in a while.

comment qustion??

yesterday i was commenting people and i would click submit &&it would post but today ive been trying to comment people back&& i either cant or its posted as anonymous..how do i stop this?

moving on..trying

everyone is afraid to get hurt..to get "played" as if it were a choice. and its not, you cant control the person you love. you cant chose love. you just love. &&just because you love someone doesn't mean they'll love you back. &&sometimes even if they do love you, just as much as you love them, love might not be enough. don't seek revenge, don't close yourself off, love with everything you've got.

just take it. accept it. &&move on..one day that love will fade in you.

so i guess i should mention why im such a mess lol..long story short i fell in love with my first. sound familliar...He was my first everything really&&then when i got pregnant i was officially head over heels. he was everything to me. my little family was my world..&&then it all came tubbling down. mostly because of external factors. we are still in the middle..everyday going up and down. I sill love him, &&i cant stop.. i cant let go..my hopes are too high. I cant not answer. i have to call back. i miss my best friend. my heart is made up of my family and now its broken. i feel lost without him. everything is upside down..a mess.

a needed adventure ♥

sometimes getting out of bed is so hard. I'm hoping by writing this blog i can help get this out. I'm going floating tomorrow, for those of you who don't know..floating is where you&&a bunch of friends go floating in an inter tube from one end of a river to another. it will be my first time. its crazy too because i always say no but this time i think i should, just go on an adventure, forget for awhile. no more sitting at home, i need to get outta my head lol

3AM

Night time! that's when it happens most, when the memories come rushing, when it hurts the most..when i feel soooo lonely. I start to obsess over what happen, what should have happen, &&the idea that i had in my head..its not the GOODBYE that hurts, its the memories, words , &&sounds that linger, the overwhelming flashbacks that come after.  reminding you of what you lost.  The feeling that you weren't good enough. &&the pressure to be..&&the hope that who ever the next girl is wont be...

the best is yet to come....&&love finds those who are ready to receive it.....

kug fu panda

so todays been good. i have offically seen kung fu panda 40 times.  my sons favorite movie. hes only 18 months but he knows every part of that movie &&just has to watch it everyday..multiple times a day. i love him so much! the light from his heart is so bright it shines through his eyes. he looks up at me with so much love&&happiness it fills me! all of me! My Zavi Baby..My son..hes the love of my life &&the best of me..you have my heart my little man ♥

all in a blog....

My heartbreak all in a blog..the end..in my head, down my fingertips&&through these keys..out of my mind, which is so full it tortures me, out of this hoarder's box of memories, thoughts, persecutions, trials, and tribulations, that seem to never fade. that seem to be stuck stuck right in front of my eyes as if they happen yesterday or a second before. images. words. painful stinging cloud of smoke i walk through..people, actions, places I have to fight through to get to myself..the person i really am...without these lies secrets &&assumptions i think of. I want to break free..I want to be me again. I cant speak..the words dont come out..im stuck, as if i were in a dream &&have no voice yet cant help but scream!
But i can write..so this is my solution..this is my Heart, my Heartbreak all in a blog.